Sunday, November 22, 2009
In agony I watch you leave, in joy I long for the hours to quickly pass so that we may be reunited once again. I cry every time he leaves. Being in a long distance relationship is one of the most difficult things I have ever had to face. I thank God every day that the distance is not greater. I now understand that God knew what he was doing when he led all the other men astray. I have dated two military men and I do not believe I am strong enough to endure what those incredible military wives, mothers, sisters, and other women endure every day. I cannot even begin to imagine living without him for months, even years without a touch, a kiss, or even a smile. It would break my heart. I have more respect for those women than I could ever explain, they are incredible, they are the essence of courage in my opinion. I would love to shake every one of their hands, they amaze me with the ability to support, love, and still hold it together for their men as they watch them go off into dangerous, life threatening situations where they have no guarantee that they will indeed return home. I do not think I could do that. It pathetically pains me knowing I will not see him for 7 days. My heart longs to be near his at all times, despite all costs. I have grown so much this past year. I do not render my responsibilities to run home to see him, I understand that we need to deal with the distance and the hardship that comes along with that, it is hard, to say the least, but I think we have come so far and are doing so well. We understand the importance of the lives we are currently living and even if the other is not there, we must go on with our responsibilities and our lives, and know that we will soon be reunited, our love gets us through it all. I hope he knows how much he means to me and the love that flows from every kiss, smile, touch, and gaze that we exchange. He holds my heart, and no one could ever take that away from us.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
I'm sorry, I wasn't aware the ability to clean a dish after using it, or sometime in the near future (meaning not 3 days later), was so unbelievably difficult. I am literally on the verge of having a neurotic combustion due to the lack of cleanliness I am currently experiencing in my residence. Let me clarify, there are (dirty) dishes currently setting up camp in my kitchen sink looking as if they have no intention of vacating the area anytime in the near future! Now my (kind) roommate, who shall remain nameless, believes we need to give my (slob) roommate time to do the dishes on her own. She wants her to "learn" from seeing them sitting there, that we will not clean up after her. I, however, think that she is not a child and is never going to do the dishes! What irritates me more than the fact that they have been sitting in the sink, covered in food particles, since Wednesday, is the fact that whenever we have sat down to have this discussion about dishes as a whole, she is the first to jump in with, "I was always taught that when you use a dish you clean it, so let's try to do that guys!" She rarely cleans her dishes period, let alone right after she uses one!!!! I'm not sure how much longer my (OCD) roommate and I can take this!! We are going crazy, I honestly think we leave on weekends to get away from the mess, not the company. Today is going to be the day I lock myself in my room and do homework, partly because I have work to do, and sadly, partly because I can not stand to look at the mess any longer. Last year I hid from my roommates at all cost, this year I hide from my kitchen sink: what I change in pace.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
With everyday I come to realize how truly blessed I am so have such a wonderful man as my boyfriend Christopher in my life. Not only does he treat me exceptionally well, as I have always been told I deserve to be treated, but he has the unconditional love to match. I have never for a moment doubted the love he has for me. I always hope he knows I love him as much as I know he loves me. He is such a blessing and treasure that I couldn't imagine living without. I am also so fortunate to have someone as special as my mom in my life. She has been there through everything that has happened in my life, she is my light. I love her so much, words can not describe the impact she has made on my life nor how much I value her opinion, her love, and her devotion to me as the best mom in the world. I am also so grateful for my grandma. She believes in me and she has been my second mom. She is so happy, so lively, and so inspiring. She has most definitely passed these qualities onto my mom and I hope to inherit them one day as well. I wish I could be half the woman these two incredible women are. They do so much for me and have been my pillars through it all, they keep me standing, without which I would fall to pieces.
God, thank you for putting such wonderful people in my life. You have blessed me with a man that loves me, a mom that supports and loves me despite everything I do, and a grandma who makes me realize with every smile how wonderful it is to be alive. Thank you for my dad, you took mine to be with You, but you gave me one to not replace my biological one, just one to give me the love that I felt I was missing and needed. I don't, but need to thank You everyday for the blessings you have bestowed upon me. I pray for my friends, their families, Mr. Schletewitz to feel better, Kari to know she is beautiful and loved in Your eyes and that is all that matters, and the girl who was hit today on the crosswalk. When You take me home, make sure my family know how influential they are to me and how much I love them, I will always love them and I will forever be with them just as they are with me. Thank You for the gift of prayer and the gift of song, but more for the beautiful voice you have bestowed upon me, let me bring glory to You through it and to You be all the praise. Amen
Friday, October 30, 2009
It's never good when thinking of all the activities you need to partake in today bring the Jaws theme to your mind. Today is the day I have to talk to my section about their horribly disrespectful behavior last Friday. I am not particularly looking forward to this speech. I spent about 20 minutes in my Romans/Galatians class writing it. I'm nervous. I hate to have to tell my section how disappointed I am in then when really it is only a few of them, but then again I can't point people out even though they all know who was the cause of the chaos last Friday, the question is if those people themselves know. If they don't know now, they will. We also switched rooms with the 1st sopranos which I am not looking forward to because my section already has issues with looking in the mirror too much during class, what are they going to do with themselves in a room full of mirrors?! The accompanist is coming in to help me today, I also am not looking forward to that. She makes me nervous as I have addressed in previous posts and she tends to take over in the middle of my sectional. I don't want anyone to play for me or to help me, all I want is to sit at the piano, play the notes for them, and be in control of my WHOLE sectional, not just the directing (which has never been my specialty, then again I have never really tried because it makes me nervous and I don't know how). I wish I could really listen to what Sage is saying, I can't focus to save my life. Hopefully I pass the exam next week, thank God for the reading, otherwise I would be so screwed. I am really excited about this weekend, my get away with my man for my birthday. There is so much drama going on with this special event that was supposed to be fun and enjoyable for me, being the birthday girl and all. I am aware my birthday is not for 6 more days and that next weekend is technically my "birthday weekend" but I had to move that because DH informed me I was not allowed to miss Dinner Rally (which is the concert going on that weekend, not that anyone would notice my absence), but he told me he may have to have me "tell them to do something," but I think he just didn't want the other directors to find out and he would look bad. Anyway, Chris moved my surprise weekend to this weekend instead not realizing that I had a concert this Sunday. I figured I could miss it, just being a half hour show for old people where there isn't even a sermon or food for us. We just go, sing, and leave. Having been there my freshman year I didn't see it as being a big deal because they old people home is so laid back, but according to DH, it's a huge deal. He is just worried the girls will notice my absence, not that they will care but whatever. So when I told him I wouldn't be there this Sunday he wigged and told me to move it Dinner Rally weekend (the one we had in the first place and my actually birthday weekend) and that he doesn't care if I miss that. When I told him he told me I couldn't miss that, he denied it. I told him I couldn't move it again, and if I cancel Chris will lose his deposit and he has been saving up for this and trying to do something special for me. To top it all off, he says if I miss he is going to drop my grade by a whole letter which would be a "B" but it still affects my GPA and how stupid to get a B in choir, especially when you are the president. I told him the only options were not going to the concert and getting my grade dropped, not going to the weekend and just staying for some stupid half hour concert on Sunday, or going to the weekend and driving through the night to get here by 8:30 am on Sunday and be cranky, tired, and probably not sing the half hour show and be pissed about it. I talked to many people, including my mom who agrees with me and understands and says she will support whatever I decide and I decided I'm doing the weekend. Hopefully he doesn't remember at the end of the year, the officers decide not to drop my grade, but mostly it's my birthday and I'm not willing to give it up for DH or the choir I give my whole life, heart, and soul for and just want this one thing. DUMB.
As promised, my "to be continued" of Tuesday's blackout. Once I got home, Jasmine and I used our laptops for light and the one tiny flashlight I happened to bring with me to school. We were in the middle of jumping up and down, making enemies with the people below us and listening to Party in the U.S.A by Miley Cyrus at full volume when I got a phone call from Daniel from Jamba. I figured their power was out but couldn't figure out why he could be calling me. He told me they were having a party at Jamba with pizza and music and taking pictures. He wanted me to come over, bring my camera, and hang out. Attempting to get out of it, I told him I didn't want to walk over there with the blackout, he told me he would come get me. He kept pushing for me to go and attempting to reject him but still be kind, I said I couldn't leave my roommate, I had homework, and I didn't feel like walking over there. Sure enough, being stubborn Daniel, he walked over to get me and stood outside of the gate waiting for me. My roommate Jasmine, being awesome, let me leave then came out on the balcony right as I got to the gate wrapped in a blanket saying," You aren't going to leave me all alone are you?" I laughed so hard I tripped then could not stop laughing. I told him I couldn't leave her and he got mad and asked why I hadn't told him she was alone and I said I did. He told me he "jaywalked" for me and I said congrats? Sorry but I can't leave her. So he left angrily, and I ran upstairs and hugged my roommate and preceeded to jump around when suddenly the lights came on. It was a good night. Downside is that I keep telling Chris he is crazy and there is no way Daniel has any feelings for me, I am now starting to believe him.....
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
My favorite part of the blackout last night, had to be the fact that every other class was cancelled, but guess who is still working hard, standing in the hallway practicing because the rooms have no lights. Yes, that's right, Chamber Singers. They could all be bleeding from the head and I believe there would still be a rehearsal, it would just a fairly messy one, yet still most certainly productive if Queen Jensen had anything to say about it. I think she is brillantly insane. If there is anything to say about her insanity is that they are as good as they are due to this distinct quality. BB (before blackout) I walked into Oratorio late due to having to change for Preparing the Total Performer. Lucky for me Chris had talked me into going to class, because when I walked in I found we were having a full rehearsal with the orchestra and all. I also found out that we have a performance on Tuesday. Good thing I went to class. Sitting next to my section was Dr. Sutton who told me I probably wouldn't be able to get to the middle of the row and kindly went and got me a chair. Singing Beethoven's Ninth standing next to Sutton and having the soloists right in front of me and voice teachers (including my own) behind me was quite nerve racking so I worked the hardest I have ever sung. It was cool when Sutton leaned over and told me he liked this part of the song, it was good to know he didn't hate me which I am still sensitive about, but he talked to me in such a friendly way. Preparing the Total Performer went well, we worked on my singing, twice! She had me walk back and forth while I sang, and I was thrilled that my nerves disappeared and this class that I feel so inferior in saw my true voice and colors come out. After class, Professor Hinds pulled me aside and told me I had a beautiful voice I just need to enjoy it more. Awesome! Later, to my great delight, I ran into Sutton who literally said, despite the whole choir singing, the orchestra, the soloists, and everything else he could have noticed in that whole rehearsal, he told me "Good job today Christina!" I was so unbelievably blown away, extremely flattered, and most definitely thrilled. That completely made my night. It just got better from there, well, at least more interesting. The whole building being dark, I didn't have my voice lesson, plus I couldn't find my voice teacher. I hung out at the music building for the next hour, partly because I didn't know if Pat would show up and partly because it was dark and there was no way in hell I was walking back to my apartment in the wind and cold by myself in the dark. I tried calling Jonathan but he was busy, and didn't want to make him walk from the mods just to walk me to my apartment. I really need more guy friends. Anyway, there was an alarm going off by the office next to the elevator and these foreign exchange students thought it was going off because there was someone stuck in the elevator so they called campus safety but couldn't relate their message properly. To my horror, one of them hands me the phone and tells me to tell them what is going on so I tell them, "They think there is someone stuck in the elevator." They didn't even let me say that I didn't think there was, or that they only thought that due to the alarm, but campus safety said thanks then hung up. Not 20 minutes later, after which they only sound coming from the elevator was the damn alarm which was off pitch, by the way, the 2 fireman and 2 campus safety officers walk in with picks and axes. I wanted to laugh but was way to shocked and excited for this excitement to say a word. Watching this all occur and the fireman try to see if someone is in there and attempting to find the "elevator room" (whatever that is) a guy on my left and girl on my right lean over to me and says, "what pitch do you think the alarm is?" I said, "Are you serious right now?!," and the guy says, "It is between G and A." I was so shocked, music majors are such nerds. Then later these three people stand around the alarm and test it with a pitch device on their iPhone, ridiculous. I finally told one of the firemen, after about 40 minutes mind you, that I saw who called and explained what really happened and that the people who called were foreign and he suddenly understood. Convinced the excitement was over, and tired of being stuck in the music building, I called Kari and she came and got me with two of her guy friends. Shockingly no, that is not the end of the eventfullness of the evening. to be continued..........
Friday, October 23, 2009
Oh the awkward beginnings of relationships which span through the elements of like, to love, to the futile breakups and heartache. It seems everyday, everywhere, there is a couple awkwardly avoiding one another, "playing it cool," and enjoying the random giddiness of having a crush that leaves a stupid happy smile splattered across your face at the randomest of moments. Somewhere else, is someone hurting, grieving, crying, or screaming in hate or pain at being parted with by another. I think Joan Crawford says it best, "Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell." Listening to people talk about liking someone who is taken or someone who doesn't know they like them warms MY heart. To be in that special/nauseating time of your love life is intriguing and slightly hilarious to me. For the sake of saving my friend some embarrassment, I will leave names out. Let's call him Yohan. Tonight he would like me to go to dinner with him and invite the girl in my choir, let's call her Kelly. Little does he know, I already have plans this evening but intend on telling him at the last minute, leaving them to have an awkward first meal together thus forcing them to communicate and get to know each other, if just as friends. He doesn't have much of a choice for anything more than friends, because her heart has already been spoken for, but you never know, he is a bit devious, as he has so proudly informed me. Yohan wants me to, "Make sure it happens," that I invite her tonight, don't worry friend, I will. It will be good for them to be friends, if just for the sake of making another friend. It is always good to have another friend in the music building since we spend so much time here. Well, that reveals a bit too much information. Moving on...
Monday, October 19, 2009
Woke up at 5am this morning, decided against it and went back to sleep. Then I woke up again and started my 3-5 page single spaced paper at 7:30am this morning when it was due to 10:40. Amazingly, thank you GOD!, finished writing it at 9:20, dressed, then booked it to class. I also was convinced my midterm in that class was today, turns out it is Wednesday and Kristin and I are studying on Tuesday, gotta love my day. Sage just said something about heel toe, which makes me think about line dancing. That sounds really fun right about now. Dancing for Disney today, however, does not sounds fun. I'm trying to figure out what the girl in front of me is doing on her computer, the background is a picture of tall grass and the top of the screen says "Rice." There is a small box that keeps changing maps and a what looks like a picture of a coin next to it. She has been playing on this same screen for 20 minutes and I still cannot figure out the point or what she is doing. Jonathan and I went to the Walk today and got Mexican Bowls, it was quite good. It feels amazing to drink orange soda again. I missed that bubbly, calming feeling as I swallow it's yummy goodness. I do not, however, miss the unability to smile for the next few hours due to having orange teeth. We are now talking about belching apparently... My cough seriously sounds so nasty, it is obnoxious to keep needing to cough. Music majors probably hate me right now but oh well. Yesterday was a choir concert. It was quite pointless driving a big best the 15 minutes to West Covina to sing 2 services and leave at 1. They ended up not feeding us, that was quite weird but that's ok, I got to eat Jack in the Box with my man. He said something about football fields, odd subject for a music room where all of our men are singers, not athletes. Some because they want to be, some because they have to be (they throw like girls). Anyway I think it's stupid that the Cowboys made their dang screen so big at their new field. Why would you make a screen so big, and more importantly, so low, that any kick during the game will hit the dang thing. Imagine getting hit on the head with a football that first got kicked by a professional football player, then hits a giant screen, then lands on your head. Ouch. Wow! Her screen just changed, oh no wait, I lied, it's back again. Man, I have to leave this class early to go change for choir, bummer. Who even bother to walk into class if you are 36 minutes late? Might as well not come, but then again since he will still give you credit, ok never mind I get it. Sage is seriously an encyclopedia of everything and anything musical, he is so impressive. How exciting, this the first time I have ever heard him play something I know, and actually heard the mess ups he always talks about. He is still amazing despite and error or two, he makes it sound right. I have my first D-Group meeting tonight. Should be interesting; Meredith, Kari, Melissa, Chelsea, Callan, and Me. Woo! No I'm excited to have that, sometimes I go back and forth with them in my mind though. I don't like to open myself up so willingly anymore. Sometimes I feel great, other days not so much. We'll see, I'm sure it will be fine though. Dude, I totally thought Goliath was like 20 feet tall or something, not 10 ft. That just ruins the story for me, not really, I honestly thought he was the size of a house though yet Sage just ruined that for me. Seriously, listening to myself think these things before I type them, then seeing it just makes me laugh at how random it is. The End.
Friday, October 16, 2009
I never thought I would see the day where someone calls ME for fashion advice. Getting a frantic message from Jessica telling me she is in desperate need of advice and to call her back. I immediately call her back not five minutes later, and she then proceeds to tell me she is going to a concert tonight and has no idea what to wear, can I come over in 10 minutes. I laugh to myself because this has never happened before and also, I am definitely not the fashion guru, let alone an expert. I then listened to her tell me how she is stressing out then ask my opinion about a type of outfit, I tell her that sounds fine, she calms down, thanks me, and says she will see me in choir. Oh how my life intrigues me sometimes.
Sitting in Baroque, as usual, listening to my genius teacher's melancholy voice droan on about things I can't seem to make myself concentrate on. He is humming something at the moment, what exactly that is I am not quite sure. I have sectionals coming up soon. Sadly, I have no voice and I am not sure how this is going to work. How am I supposed to teach a section if I can't even speak, let alone sing to them. We will see how that goes I guess. This guy's girlfriend is sitting in front of me, she is from a different school and occasionally comes down here and goes to his classes with him. She must me so bored. I think she is a music major at her school however. The only reason I mention this is because she is sitting in front of me and I keep seeing her play with her hair out of the corner of my eye. I love that half this class is not paying any attention to anything that is going on, myself included. Sage is playing music for us not, it is really good, I am paying attention to that. I am so excited my nails are getting long and so it is very awkward to type, they keep clicking. It is really exciting though. I can't wait to go home today, I get to see my man and that is always a good day for me. I was watching the Starter Wife today and this lady is a writer and she does her best writing when she writes in her journals. I wish I could be witty and interesting when I write in my journal, but then again I should just be me. She says she is on her 94 journal since puberty. I wish I was that dedicated to writing in my journal, I should really make it a habit. As you can tell my the scattered dates, I am not that dedicated, not even in my material diary. So..... bored. How in the world am I supposed to hold a sectional and control them when I can't even get them to shut up when I have a voice? 5 more minutes, then sectionals, then choir, then probably an officer meeting, and then home!!!!
I think I am basically writing for the sake of writing by now so I am going to close with this; Thank God It's Friday.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
I'm 19, not 9. I'm not little, I realize I am a little younger than most of the juniors, I am young for my school year, but who cares. I am tired of everyone always telling me I'm little. I'm not the little sister, or the youngster, or the "innocent" one insinuating I am a child. I'm not offended per-say I just don't appreciate being a junior in college and still having this title. I'm not a baby or a child. What makes me little? What makes me younger then them beside technically my age, but they are only a few months to a year older than me, not that big of a difference. How am I SO much younger to categorize me as being the little sister of the group? This isn't even a group, we are roommates, we are equals. Also, to say I party a lot is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I do not party. Choir camp is when we do fun things for the freshman, I am out late because I am making sure they are all there, everyone has rides, everyone gets home ok, I drive the homesick and physically sick ones home, I stay out late when the girls need someone to talk to, I'm being the mom if anything, not being a crazy "kid" in college just partying it up. I study very hard, and I have worked my butt off to get to where I am today. My major is one of the toughest majors and if they don't see that then who cares, I know that I work hard. When I come home late sometimes it is because my shift doesn't even end until 11 and I'm lucky to get out of there at ten past 11. I might be studying with someone, but it is RARELY, and I do emphasize rarely, am I doing something just for pure enjoyment. It is just a bit frustrating. They don't even know me and already they have this view of me. It isn't a bad one and I should be grateful this is the one they do have because Lord knows it could be far worse, I just do not appreciate it is all.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Just a typical Wednesday in the life of me. Wandering from class to class: Romans/Galatians, to German I, to Baroque Music Literature, to Bel Canto choir, and off to the swirling wonders of smoothie making at Jamba Juice. Tomorrow, Thursday, much more exciting day. I feel I really can accomplish things then, but it should be fun. My dad is supposed to come out for lunch which I am quite excited about. He hasn't come out yet this school year. I really want him to see my apartment, plus it will be nice to see him and have him here. That evening after Oratorio Choir (we are talking about oratorios in Baroque right now; see, I can multitask haha) I will be going to Chipotle with Kristin to study for Romans/Galatians. I am quite excited actually. This week as been a good week. Monday was my one year anniversary with my boyfriend Christopher, it was a really good day. I'm off to choir, Do Re Mi....
Christina + Christopher= LOVE
Sunday, September 20, 2009
I love him so much this just tears me apart. I hate that this has been on my mind so much, or that this bothers me so much. I don't want to be the girlfriend that tries to change her boyfriend, isn't happy until she has transformed him into the man she wants him to be. I love everything about him. I love and accept that this is who he is. It is so hard going places and trying to be social and have a good time, however, when all he does is sit in a corner and not talk to anyone. It really bothers me. I just don't think it is right. I want to be open with him, but there is no way to fix this. I should just get over this, move on, but it really pains me to have him sit in a corner alone. I don't want to go places because I know he won't talk to anyone, and it ruins it for me. I hate that my friends have to tell me this is going to stunt me socially, I am very social and I LOVE to be social, but that will change as the years go on because I will feel obligated to stay home with him or not talk to people too. This is a never ending circle. It makes me want to cry. They feel like he doesn't want to talk to them. At family events, my family thinks they don't like them, that he is unhappy, or he is being rude by sitting there not trying to get to know my family and friends. If he wants to do that with his family, fine. They are used to that and know him, but with me he should just make the effort and that does not include just going to the event. I need him to at least stand with me, I would do everything in my power to include him and make him have fun if he did that for me. I know this may be selfish, but I don't want this to affect our relationship as a whole. We are perfect, we have a great time, this is something that is just weighing on my mind and I hate that. What do I do?
Saturday, September 12, 2009
These past three days have been so great, walking to Music History I just thanked God for the past few days and letting them be so unbelievably great, even if the rest of the year didn't go well at all. Then Bel Canto came.. I love the girls, I had an amazing time in sectionals until a few certain people came in and ruined it for me. I sang for the girls for the first time yesterday and one girl told me I sound like Belle from Beauty and the Beast, another said Snow White, but either way they kept praising my voice which completely made my day and made me very happy. They even asked me I would sing for them if they were good and I said I would, only because I doubted they could stay quiet and listen to me for the next 20 minutes. Then in walks the director, name not essential, and gives me all this crap about not being prepared which I was, I just wanted to make sure that what I prepared for the sectional was what he wanted me to prepare. I am not going to spend an hour working with them on songs we aren't even going to sing in rehearsal and all the other sections worked on other songs we don't know as well. That's embarrassing to me as a section leader, but more importantly to them. I do not ever want them to feel behind, embarrassed, or confused. I want them to be confident and sing beautifully so they can enjoy choir more when they know what they are doing. Plus, if they know the music they can then focus on the meaning of the song, which is the whole point of choir. Anyway, after he kept telling me how disappointed he was in me, and that he thought I'd be prepared and I continuously fought him on it, he left shaking his head. Did I mention he did this in front of my whole section??!! Yeah, that was fun. So then the grad student comes in, and I understand it is her job to oversee and help out, but I felt like she made me look like an idiot. Plus, she came in and just started talking to one of the other returnees which was, number one ridiculously distracting and so unprofessional as the grad student who later gave us crap for it in our officer meeting. I was so pissed. So she kept critiquing me in front of them, I would not be so irritated if she had approached me after sectionals IN PRIVATE about it but, of course, that was not the case. So then I was irritated through the rest of rehearsal and stayed away because I didn't want any of the girls to know I was in a bad mood. So then I talked to one of the returnees in my section and asked her how I did and we talked about it. She was so sweet in saying that I did a good job, and she was honest and I made some suggestions about ideas that would make it better and she agreed that might work. So hopefully we will be able to do that next time. Anyway, I was feeling better, still irritated with the grad student, but trying to ignore it. Then I sat through an officer meeting which felt more like the "let's attack Christina" meeting. It was awful, so bad I walked out crying. The director made a point in saying we need to not just work on notes but need to responsible for listening to our sections where the grad student so kindly jumped in on that. You should see my freaking music, there is not a section that is not marked!!!!! Then she said we need to be responsible for coming up with our own agendas for sectionals which for the love of Pete I said a million times, I HAD ONE!!! Then she went on about how we need to make time for our BC groups and spend time doing nice things for them, that is not the point of being BC group leaders! I am doing my damnedest to make these girls feel welcome and loved. Then they praise Stephanie for doing so much with her BC group, making the rest of us feel like shit. I'm still pissed, not a good sign. I work my ass off and not a word. I said nothing for the whole meeting, I just didn't want to say something stupid. I had to leave because I was ready to cry, which I did, I went outside, cried on the phone to my boyfriend for 5 minutes, then sucked it up and went back in like nothing happened. I booked it out of there after and the girls all know something is wrong and I just don't know how to fix this. What do I say to the director or the grad student?
Friday, September 11, 2009
Being a junior in college, and feeling as if I have encountered so much, yet nothing at all, is a wonderful place to be in life. Sitting outside of Starbucks with someone older and much wiser than me sharing my stories from college and my years in high school was an experience. haha. She was so interested in my stories, she suggested I make a blog for all the funny stories and interesting things I have encountered throughout my life and more specifically, in my small Christian college. I don't feel my life has been that interesting, at least not in anyone else's eyes, but apparently I am sadly mistaken. I wouldn't even know where to begin. Today, September 11, 2009, I am sitting in Room 116 of the music building, listening to Professor Sage talk about Baroque music vs. Renaissance music. Typing in class is not something I do often, but it distracting when the man sitting in front of you is playing WOW (World of Warcraft, for those of you who aren't nerds like me who spent 10 minutes staring at the screen trying to figure out what in the world he was doing!) I am now heading to Bel Canto, my first official section rehearsal of the year for the soprano 2's and I am ridiculously nervous. 24 college freshman, then me, the lowly junior. Wish my luck! I haven't decided if this blog thing is something I want to do, would be good at, once I get comfortable with it, my posts will be be MUCH more interesting, I promise. I have stories galore as I learned last night.