Sunday, December 19, 2010


Just a mess of thoughts running through my crazy mind. I do not know what to feel, what to think, or even what to write. This is probably going to spill out like jelly beans from a knocked over jar, a mess of color that looks pretty, but sucks to clean up after. SO many people are getting married or engaged now. I guess I have hit that age. My friend Alysha just had a baby, my cousin is pregnant, my friends Meghan, Keyera, and Lauren all got engaged within this month. It is just a mess of stuff to take on at one time. So far, I have 10 friends that are engaged and 6 married friends. Not all of the married friends are ones I talk to on a regular basis or are friends I am particularly close to, but it just trips me out knowing that this many people are settled down or preparing to settle down. It's not that I am unhappy about their new found happiness, if anything, I am ecstatic for them! I am just overwhelmed by THIS much joy and love going on. That sounds equally cynical, but I am just feeling lost and left behind. I thought I was going to be one of those people, but not this soon. Now that it is no longer a reality for me, I feel a bit bitter when I see others taking on that feat. It is good for them. I just wish that I weren't hurting right now and their happiness weren't highlighting my own disappointment.

Stop being ridiculous Christina. I need to be happy for my friends. I need to embrace their happiness and not hold any unpleasant feelings during their time of excitement and bliss. This is a time to celebrate, not to mourn your own selfish losses. Grow up.