Saturday, September 12, 2009

Sometimes, choir SUCKS

These past three days have been so great, walking to Music History I just thanked God for the past few days and letting them be so unbelievably great, even if the rest of the year didn't go well at all. Then Bel Canto came.. I love the girls, I had an amazing time in sectionals until a few certain people came in and ruined it for me. I sang for the girls for the first time yesterday and one girl told me I sound like Belle from Beauty and the Beast, another said Snow White, but either way they kept praising my voice which completely made my day and made me very happy. They even asked me I would sing for them if they were good and I said I would, only because I doubted they could stay quiet and listen to me for the next 20 minutes. Then in walks the director, name not essential, and gives me all this crap about not being prepared which I was, I just wanted to make sure that what I prepared for the sectional was what he wanted me to prepare. I am not going to spend an hour working with them on songs we aren't even going to sing in rehearsal and all the other sections worked on other songs we don't know as well. That's embarrassing to me as a section leader, but more importantly to them. I do not ever want them to feel behind, embarrassed, or confused. I want them to be confident and sing beautifully so they can enjoy choir more when they know what they are doing. Plus, if they know the music they can then focus on the meaning of the song, which is the whole point of choir. Anyway, after he kept telling me how disappointed he was in me, and that he thought I'd be prepared and I continuously fought him on it, he left shaking his head. Did I mention he did this in front of my whole section??!! Yeah, that was fun. So then the grad student comes in, and I understand it is her job to oversee and help out, but I felt like she made me look like an idiot. Plus, she came in and just started talking to one of the other returnees which was, number one ridiculously distracting and so unprofessional as the grad student who later gave us crap for it in our officer meeting. I was so pissed. So she kept critiquing me in front of them, I would not be so irritated if she had approached me after sectionals IN PRIVATE about it but, of course, that was not the case. So then I was irritated through the rest of rehearsal and stayed away because I didn't want any of the girls to know I was in a bad mood. So then I talked to one of the returnees in my section and asked her how I did and we talked about it. She was so sweet in saying that I did a good job, and she was honest and I made some suggestions about ideas that would make it better and she agreed that might work. So hopefully we will be able to do that next time. Anyway, I was feeling better, still irritated with the grad student, but trying to ignore it. Then I sat through an officer meeting which felt more like the "let's attack Christina" meeting. It was awful, so bad I walked out crying. The director made a point in saying we need to not just work on notes but need to responsible for listening to our sections where the grad student so kindly jumped in on that. You should see my freaking music, there is not a section that is not marked!!!!! Then she said we need to be responsible for coming up with our own agendas for sectionals which for the love of Pete I said a million times, I HAD ONE!!! Then she went on about how we need to make time for our BC groups and spend time doing nice things for them, that is not the point of being BC group leaders! I am doing my damnedest to make these girls feel welcome and loved. Then they praise Stephanie for doing so much with her BC group, making the rest of us feel like shit. I'm still pissed, not a good sign. I work my ass off and not a word. I said nothing for the whole meeting, I just didn't want to say something stupid. I had to leave because I was ready to cry, which I did, I went outside, cried on the phone to my boyfriend for 5 minutes, then sucked it up and went back in like nothing happened. I booked it out of there after and the girls all know something is wrong and I just don't know how to fix this. What do I say to the director or the grad student?

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