Friday, June 3, 2011
Crossroads
I know God has something planned for my life, but I'm just so unsure what that plan is. I am truly enjoying the time I have to spend with my friends and my family. This is a break that I have never had and I am trying to make the most of this time, but I can't help but feel discouraged that I have come to a complete stand still along this road of life. I am trying my best to patient and know that He is in control, but I can't see in either direction and I feel completely helpless. It is so difficult to remain content with my situation. I am really having a hard time no having a job. I keep thinking about how I have loans that will be need to be paid off soon and how am I going to get the money to do that. I am also vehicle-less and I can't seem to get a job without a car. My mom and I are looking, but we don't have enough for a nice car and we can't find one for the price we want to pay. I really want to get my singing going, but I feel I have no direction. I have always been a planner and to not have a plan, or a plan that no longer applies, is severely disheartening for me. I want to make a demo, but I don't have enough original songs. I have one original. I am not good at writing the music part; lyrics are my forte. Also, I don't know how to go about getting background music for them. I could go to a studio and have them do it, but that cost money, which only brings me back to my first dilemma. I need to trust. I need faith. I need to stop being in control. Why are those things difficult? I feel as though I am stuck in the middle of contentment and frustration. Weird....
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Friendship
It is funny how the people you least expect to be close to are the ones who impact your life the most. I never would have expected that at the beginning of my junior year that my scary and sarcastic new roommate would turn out to be the person I always turn to with everything. Even my quiet roommate who was a lot like me, but I did not know very well, would be the very person to become one of the best and greatest friends I ever had. Those two women are friendship in my mind. They brought me back when I was at my lowest confidence, emotionally, and relationally. I love them so much I could never express it to them, but I hope they know how grateful I am to them both for being the friends I needed and wanted the most.
My senior year was supposed to a cruise, but instead I had quite the storm-filled year. Though I was looking forward to finishing my last year with in charge of Bel Canto for the 3rd year in a row, I did not think it would really become a huge part of who I was. I fell in love with those girls and I miss them terribly. They each played a large role in my senior year. I learned so much from them and about myself through their kindness, love, and friendship. I couldn't be happier that I decided to stay in Bel Canto (despite a lot of advice to the contrary) for one last year. Stephanie, someone who is my complete opposite personality-wise became a good friend who I deeply care about and have come to respect despite our drastic differences. We have issues, but what friends don't, but without knowing it she taught me how to be a better leader. Tori was the little sister I always wanted. She was the girl I spent three years in choir hoping to meet. I wanted to touch someone's life in the same way Callan had done for me and she allowed me to do that. To be honest, I still be believe she helped me more than I helped her. She made my senior year really special and meaningful. Katherine is a bubble of joy that I have always loved, but have really grown to respect as my good friend. Elizabeth and Joanna were two of the sweetest people that I can't wait to remain friends with for many years to come. Kris was my tell-it-like-it-is girl and I love her for how fierce and straight-forward she is. Becky was the shoulder I desperately needed in the music building. She understood my hardships, but always was the one cheering me on and believing in me when I didn't think I could get through. Sarah and Amira always made me smile and showed me what a close friendship looks like. Emily, the girl who was always there in the shadows never letting me slip away feeling unnoticed or appreciated. She did everything to make sure I knew how much I meant to the group and was one of the greatest friends I could have asked for. Kandace is my black sister! She has so much love, life, and fire in her. She may not always be on time or organized, but she always comes through for her friends and others when they most need it. She helped me stand up and be confident in who I am and why I do the things I do. Lisa is my own personal cheerleader. That girl has touched my life in so many ways I could not even begin to explain. I am grateful for every hug, smile, and laugh she always sent my way. Sam Shipley, my birthday twin, is my other me. She has so much life and love that makes me want to jump up and sing and dance right along with her. We are so similar and have shared so much together, I know I couldn't live without that girl. Alex, so sweet and innocent, I love talking to her just to hear that laugh. She thinks everything is funny, which could make the angriest person laugh. She is so in love with life, God, and others that it is inspiring. (I know I didn't get to all of them, it's ok I'm writing them each their own letter anyway, but I love them all and had 15 minutes to write so I chose to talk about my friends.) I love them!
As I write this, staring at their pictures and the memories we have shared throughout this wonderful school year, I could go on for ages about each and everyone of them. I'm so grateful for the fact that they will always hold a special place in my heart dedicated specifically to my "love-unfailing" sisters in Bel Canto, but most importantly, in Christ.
My senior year was supposed to a cruise, but instead I had quite the storm-filled year. Though I was looking forward to finishing my last year with in charge of Bel Canto for the 3rd year in a row, I did not think it would really become a huge part of who I was. I fell in love with those girls and I miss them terribly. They each played a large role in my senior year. I learned so much from them and about myself through their kindness, love, and friendship. I couldn't be happier that I decided to stay in Bel Canto (despite a lot of advice to the contrary) for one last year. Stephanie, someone who is my complete opposite personality-wise became a good friend who I deeply care about and have come to respect despite our drastic differences. We have issues, but what friends don't, but without knowing it she taught me how to be a better leader. Tori was the little sister I always wanted. She was the girl I spent three years in choir hoping to meet. I wanted to touch someone's life in the same way Callan had done for me and she allowed me to do that. To be honest, I still be believe she helped me more than I helped her. She made my senior year really special and meaningful. Katherine is a bubble of joy that I have always loved, but have really grown to respect as my good friend. Elizabeth and Joanna were two of the sweetest people that I can't wait to remain friends with for many years to come. Kris was my tell-it-like-it-is girl and I love her for how fierce and straight-forward she is. Becky was the shoulder I desperately needed in the music building. She understood my hardships, but always was the one cheering me on and believing in me when I didn't think I could get through. Sarah and Amira always made me smile and showed me what a close friendship looks like. Emily, the girl who was always there in the shadows never letting me slip away feeling unnoticed or appreciated. She did everything to make sure I knew how much I meant to the group and was one of the greatest friends I could have asked for. Kandace is my black sister! She has so much love, life, and fire in her. She may not always be on time or organized, but she always comes through for her friends and others when they most need it. She helped me stand up and be confident in who I am and why I do the things I do. Lisa is my own personal cheerleader. That girl has touched my life in so many ways I could not even begin to explain. I am grateful for every hug, smile, and laugh she always sent my way. Sam Shipley, my birthday twin, is my other me. She has so much life and love that makes me want to jump up and sing and dance right along with her. We are so similar and have shared so much together, I know I couldn't live without that girl. Alex, so sweet and innocent, I love talking to her just to hear that laugh. She thinks everything is funny, which could make the angriest person laugh. She is so in love with life, God, and others that it is inspiring. (I know I didn't get to all of them, it's ok I'm writing them each their own letter anyway, but I love them all and had 15 minutes to write so I chose to talk about my friends.) I love them!
As I write this, staring at their pictures and the memories we have shared throughout this wonderful school year, I could go on for ages about each and everyone of them. I'm so grateful for the fact that they will always hold a special place in my heart dedicated specifically to my "love-unfailing" sisters in Bel Canto, but most importantly, in Christ.
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