Christina + Christopher= LOVE
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Just a typical Wednesday in the life of me. Wandering from class to class: Romans/Galatians, to German I, to Baroque Music Literature, to Bel Canto choir, and off to the swirling wonders of smoothie making at Jamba Juice. Tomorrow, Thursday, much more exciting day. I feel I really can accomplish things then, but it should be fun. My dad is supposed to come out for lunch which I am quite excited about. He hasn't come out yet this school year. I really want him to see my apartment, plus it will be nice to see him and have him here. That evening after Oratorio Choir (we are talking about oratorios in Baroque right now; see, I can multitask haha) I will be going to Chipotle with Kristin to study for Romans/Galatians. I am quite excited actually. This week as been a good week. Monday was my one year anniversary with my boyfriend Christopher, it was a really good day. I'm off to choir, Do Re Mi....
Sunday, September 20, 2009
I love him so much this just tears me apart. I hate that this has been on my mind so much, or that this bothers me so much. I don't want to be the girlfriend that tries to change her boyfriend, isn't happy until she has transformed him into the man she wants him to be. I love everything about him. I love and accept that this is who he is. It is so hard going places and trying to be social and have a good time, however, when all he does is sit in a corner and not talk to anyone. It really bothers me. I just don't think it is right. I want to be open with him, but there is no way to fix this. I should just get over this, move on, but it really pains me to have him sit in a corner alone. I don't want to go places because I know he won't talk to anyone, and it ruins it for me. I hate that my friends have to tell me this is going to stunt me socially, I am very social and I LOVE to be social, but that will change as the years go on because I will feel obligated to stay home with him or not talk to people too. This is a never ending circle. It makes me want to cry. They feel like he doesn't want to talk to them. At family events, my family thinks they don't like them, that he is unhappy, or he is being rude by sitting there not trying to get to know my family and friends. If he wants to do that with his family, fine. They are used to that and know him, but with me he should just make the effort and that does not include just going to the event. I need him to at least stand with me, I would do everything in my power to include him and make him have fun if he did that for me. I know this may be selfish, but I don't want this to affect our relationship as a whole. We are perfect, we have a great time, this is something that is just weighing on my mind and I hate that. What do I do?
Saturday, September 12, 2009
These past three days have been so great, walking to Music History I just thanked God for the past few days and letting them be so unbelievably great, even if the rest of the year didn't go well at all. Then Bel Canto came.. I love the girls, I had an amazing time in sectionals until a few certain people came in and ruined it for me. I sang for the girls for the first time yesterday and one girl told me I sound like Belle from Beauty and the Beast, another said Snow White, but either way they kept praising my voice which completely made my day and made me very happy. They even asked me I would sing for them if they were good and I said I would, only because I doubted they could stay quiet and listen to me for the next 20 minutes. Then in walks the director, name not essential, and gives me all this crap about not being prepared which I was, I just wanted to make sure that what I prepared for the sectional was what he wanted me to prepare. I am not going to spend an hour working with them on songs we aren't even going to sing in rehearsal and all the other sections worked on other songs we don't know as well. That's embarrassing to me as a section leader, but more importantly to them. I do not ever want them to feel behind, embarrassed, or confused. I want them to be confident and sing beautifully so they can enjoy choir more when they know what they are doing. Plus, if they know the music they can then focus on the meaning of the song, which is the whole point of choir. Anyway, after he kept telling me how disappointed he was in me, and that he thought I'd be prepared and I continuously fought him on it, he left shaking his head. Did I mention he did this in front of my whole section??!! Yeah, that was fun. So then the grad student comes in, and I understand it is her job to oversee and help out, but I felt like she made me look like an idiot. Plus, she came in and just started talking to one of the other returnees which was, number one ridiculously distracting and so unprofessional as the grad student who later gave us crap for it in our officer meeting. I was so pissed. So she kept critiquing me in front of them, I would not be so irritated if she had approached me after sectionals IN PRIVATE about it but, of course, that was not the case. So then I was irritated through the rest of rehearsal and stayed away because I didn't want any of the girls to know I was in a bad mood. So then I talked to one of the returnees in my section and asked her how I did and we talked about it. She was so sweet in saying that I did a good job, and she was honest and I made some suggestions about ideas that would make it better and she agreed that might work. So hopefully we will be able to do that next time. Anyway, I was feeling better, still irritated with the grad student, but trying to ignore it. Then I sat through an officer meeting which felt more like the "let's attack Christina" meeting. It was awful, so bad I walked out crying. The director made a point in saying we need to not just work on notes but need to responsible for listening to our sections where the grad student so kindly jumped in on that. You should see my freaking music, there is not a section that is not marked!!!!! Then she said we need to be responsible for coming up with our own agendas for sectionals which for the love of Pete I said a million times, I HAD ONE!!! Then she went on about how we need to make time for our BC groups and spend time doing nice things for them, that is not the point of being BC group leaders! I am doing my damnedest to make these girls feel welcome and loved. Then they praise Stephanie for doing so much with her BC group, making the rest of us feel like shit. I'm still pissed, not a good sign. I work my ass off and not a word. I said nothing for the whole meeting, I just didn't want to say something stupid. I had to leave because I was ready to cry, which I did, I went outside, cried on the phone to my boyfriend for 5 minutes, then sucked it up and went back in like nothing happened. I booked it out of there after and the girls all know something is wrong and I just don't know how to fix this. What do I say to the director or the grad student?
Friday, September 11, 2009
Being a junior in college, and feeling as if I have encountered so much, yet nothing at all, is a wonderful place to be in life. Sitting outside of Starbucks with someone older and much wiser than me sharing my stories from college and my years in high school was an experience. haha. She was so interested in my stories, she suggested I make a blog for all the funny stories and interesting things I have encountered throughout my life and more specifically, in my small Christian college. I don't feel my life has been that interesting, at least not in anyone else's eyes, but apparently I am sadly mistaken. I wouldn't even know where to begin. Today, September 11, 2009, I am sitting in Room 116 of the music building, listening to Professor Sage talk about Baroque music vs. Renaissance music. Typing in class is not something I do often, but it distracting when the man sitting in front of you is playing WOW (World of Warcraft, for those of you who aren't nerds like me who spent 10 minutes staring at the screen trying to figure out what in the world he was doing!) I am now heading to Bel Canto, my first official section rehearsal of the year for the soprano 2's and I am ridiculously nervous. 24 college freshman, then me, the lowly junior. Wish my luck! I haven't decided if this blog thing is something I want to do, would be good at, once I get comfortable with it, my posts will be be MUCH more interesting, I promise. I have stories galore as I learned last night.