To be Continued...

So Tuesday was a good day. I started out with breakfast with Jonathan in the caf, that was fun and we got to talk to each other and other girls in the group. We've been scooping out the ones he might be interested in. Apparently it's my job to "make it happen" for him. We'll see how that goes, but he cracks me up. I'm so happy he is back, he's an awesome best friend and I missed him while he was in Germany. I didn't spend as much time (this is back to choir camp week by the way) in the room singing because of so many things that needed to be taken care of for that evening and the following evening, but I did enough. I had my first meeting with Josh that day. We have known each other since our freshman years, coming in as freshman together and being both music majors, but we never really made it pass the acquaintance stage. It was so nice discussing what we wanted out of this year for both of our ensembles and where we see it going. He is just as organized as I am, at least closer than the last, and I loved that he wanted to sit down and discuss everything thoroughly so we were consistently on the same page. We seem to have the same goals and hopes for both Men's Chorale and Bel Canto and how we went to see them come together. I'm excited to see the bond and sense of community that will be laid out over the next few months. So we discussed beach bash and our plans for that. Then later we met with Kandace and Jake, chaplains for both of our groups, and got their input on the agenda for the worship time with MC and BC. We had a good time that night singing for one another and I feel Bel Canto did one of their best jobs ever that night, especially as a first time performance on a few days practice. I did not get as much of an opportunity to get to know new people, but that's ok. I did get to sing Operator, my song!, that day for the choir. It was so fun! They were so shocked, the returners more than anyone else, but they cheered afterward, which was very sweet.I met with Josh, Marian, Jasymn, and Brian at the caf for dinner to discuss the beach bash. UCO decided to join us this year, which made both Josh and myself very excited. We planned out the whole night. I was handling the food with Pam, Josh was going the next day with her to pick up drinks, we all brought smores stuff, and then we would have a worship time and a time to discuss (the three of us) about what we want out of this year. Josh would give the intro and closing statements with a challenge to be in more community, I would give the speech on what community is and what that looks like for our choir and the year, and Marian would talk about how to act that out and what that will mean for the groups as a whole. It was a good day overall I think. Wednesday wasn't bad either. I had breakfast again with Jonathan. This time we had more of the girls joining us. I think they are warming up to him which he couldn't be happier about. Then went to choir camp. I had my first sectional, that was fun. It was a bit nerve racking having Mrs. Hughes in the room playing for me. She left for the first 15 minutes while I tested their voices and placed them in SS1 of SS2, so that was fun. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be though. I love her, she's so great, I was just nervous she would think I did a poor job. She was great though, so I had nothing to worry about. After sectionals we just sang for the rest of the day. We attempted to get out early so we could get to the beach bash on time. I was fairly frustrated with that because I still needed to go pick up the car from the Mooney's (so nice of them to let me use it for the beach bash and drive to DH's house the next day) and I needed to go home and change. I wasn't too late picking up the girls, maybe a couple minutes behind, but the traffic is what got me. It was endless. I didn't get to talk to Elizabeth, Amira, or Emily Sulak much (they were in my car), but since Katherine sat in the front we got a lot of one on one time. I did learn about their majors and what they want to do, but Katherine and I probably bonded the best. She is so sweet, I was happy to have her in my car. I loved getting to know her, that's one of my favorite parts of being president. The girls are all so wonderful and I'm eager to get to know each of them individually.

Comfort Zone

Let's talk a little bit about what my life has been/looked like for the past few weeks.

Choir camp was AMAZING! All the girls are so incredibly wonderful and I had so much fun spending time with them, connecting with them, learning about them, and really getting to know them. It was nice to have a car to drive to the events with this year (thanks to the Mooney's). I got the chance to really get to know the women in my car. They are all so wonderful and have so much to offer. I feel so blessed to be apart of such an incredible group. The parent's dinner went exceptionally well. It was so nice having my mom and grandma there. I walked around like a crazy person and introduced myself to a good chunk of the people, more than last year at least. It was really fun when we took them into a room and let them get to know us. I really do love being in charge, it makes me feel confident and good about myself to be up in front with all my officers backing me up and supporting me. Then we sang, which was nice. Spent a lot of time with Jonathan, love that kid. We have definitely become very close over the past few years and he is definitely my best friend. The whole night he was trying to spot girls he would be interested in dating, then texting me their name telling me to "make it happen." It was nice at the end of the night too. This girl Caitlin came up and somehow ended up spilling her story, she started crying, I hugged her, and I offered (since she was homesick) to come stay with me. She did stay for Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday night, as did another homesick girl that I didn't find out about until the next morning. After talking with Caitlin for quite awhile, Jessica and her parents came up and talked to me. She was on of the girls I spent a lot of time talking to this summer and her parents were so sweet to thank me for talking with her and helping her all summer. I was touched by that. It makes everything that goes wrong all worth it. It reminded me of when Madison (who is now my really good friend) and her parents came up to me and said the same thing during parent's night. Anyway, I offered for Jessica to stay at my apartment as well if she got lonely. She never did take me up on that, but I think that's a good thing. I'm glad she got acquainted with people on her own floor and with her room. So then Monday came around. I was so happy with how many names I knew. I felt like I knew everyone's name by Monday morning since I had been practicing over the summer to get them all down. I did not get to eat breakfast that morning, however, because when I finally found Rachel she walked up to me crying and I had to take her to the counseling office and then go get her when she was done. I know it is bad to baby them when they get here, but I felt she needed that. After dropping her off I spent some time talking to her mom on the phone. She explained she had a hard time with this when she transitioned from junior high to high school as well. Anyway, she ended up staying with me too in my apartment for three nights. So I had two girls with me. One on Joanna's bed in my room (which she still doesn't know). The other one on the couch, because she felt more comfortable there so she could fall asleep with her boyfriend on the phone. Anyway, it wasn't terrible having them stay, but it was exhausting. I get up very early, go to bed late, and I had to be on my "A" game all day with the girls and keep it up, even when I was at home needing a break. So Monday choir camp was fun, we spent a nice amount of time talking, playing games, singing, and all that. I LOVED getting to take my section into a separate room and play my own game with them. We played 2 truths and a lie. You have to do exactly that, say two truths and one lie and they have to decide which one is the lie. It was fun, they didn't get it right. I said I used to be a semi-professional ballroom dancer, I read the Dictionary for fun, and I'm allergic to lemons. They guessed the dancing, but it's the lemons since I'm not allergic to anything. My returner girls couldn't have an opinion since they, most likely, already knew the answer. Anyway, that was the best time getting to know them. I found out on of the girls Elizabeth can speak Romanian and that made me super happy. So the rest of the day went well. We had our communion that night, which was amazing. I got a lot of it recorded on my camera which was so wonderful. It is my favorite time of the year. The sound we make together as singers is just phenomenal and blows my mind every time! The speakers were incredible, I felt so inspired and I was proud of myself for not crying for the first year ever.... and then Jon talked to me... After worship, Jon Lord came up to talk to me. He asked if there was anything he could pray for me about and that just blew me away. He asks every year, but how thoughtful and wise he is about knowing that I need it the most when choir and school begins makes me so happy to be here in a place where people care enough about you to pray for and with you. So I said just for the girls. That they would have a good year and I can help them in anyway I can. I cried a little bit, and jokingly yelled at Jon for always making me cry. So he put his hands on me and gave this wonderful prayer. Jessica G. came up and jumped into our prayer group. It was so nice having her there, because I really do miss her in choir. I never realized how much her presence meant to me until she left. It is good for her and me to not be in an ensemble together again though. Anyway, they both prayed for me, made me cry harder, then she left. I then did something I did not expect to do and is very much out of my comfort zone, which seems to be God's theme for my life this year. I realized I had never asked Jon what I could pray for him about. It occurred to me that many people don't ask him that, based on his shocked expression, because we are so used to him being the one to reach out, but I felt it was necessary for me to reach out to him as my friend and brother in Christ as well. So he told me and I prayed for him, out loud. I am not like that normally. I am very private about my prayer life, I hate praying out loud because as stupid as it sounds, I don't feel like I'm good at it. After praying for him, he hugged me and thanked me. That was so kind and then I went and led a meeting of the officers to debrief the day. It was so nice sitting in front like that, leading, being in charge. I've done it before, but it just felt different this time. I feel different about who I am now. I have grown, I'm older, soon to graduate, it's crazy! So I led the meeting, they even raised their hands to make comments which was fun. Oh, I almost forgot. We talked about classes and gave advice in camp that day. Did not go very well because we all get contradicting each other, and it was very unorganized, but I gave my opinion about being a music major. I didn't sugar coat it, BS it, I told them it was hard. They have to really want this in order to accomplish it. If you don't really want this, it won't be worth it. I know many friends who did it because they "like" music. That's not what this major is about. It is about working your butt off to get what you desire the most. This takes so much time and effort that if you are dreaming about this, you don't want this to be your career or your life, then it won't be worth it to you. I just thought they should know that going in. I wish someone had told me that. I mentioned several times that this was all my personal opinion, but the non-music majors thought I was too harsh and scared them and the music majors thought I did a good job. In the end I made up for it. I told them I had no intention of changing their minds about their major, scaring them away, or making them feel being a music major is terrible. I just want them to know what comes with that. I said yes, it's hard work, but the moment you get up on that stage (this is all I can remember) for your junior recital in your, not gonna lie, gorgeous dress and hear a room full of people scream at the top of their lungs for 5 minutes at you, cheering and supporting you. People in Bel Canto, your family, your friends, and see the love and support you have behind you all along in one room together that you didn't even realize you had, it makes every tear, every stress, every wrong note, everything else disappear and all worth it. The music majors all clapped, so did the choir. That was fun! Anyway, in the meeting they kind of gave me a hard time about that, which made me upset. Then I talked to Arie about it afterward and ended up telling her a little bit about my summer and what I went through with my other officers and she ended up crying with me and telling me I was a good person, I do a good job. It was a very nice moment for us, which I needed, but it was a good day overall. So that was Monday. Tuesday is coming later because I'm tired of writing for now. :)

TRIPPY!

My roommate just got MARRIED! It's so crazy and she just came back from her honeymoon, which is so awesome! I'm so happy for them and I can't even express it! It's ridiculous how happy I am about this! She is my first friend to get married though! I know Melissa's sister got married and I went to her wedding, but she was more my friend's sister and wasn't as big of a deal for me. My cousin got married, but it's different with family. I was IN this wedding and I LIVED with her before and she's such a good friend of mine I am just overflowing with happiness.

Secondly, my friend Alysha from high school is PREGNANT! We aren't very close anymore so I had to find out about her getting married from Facebook, but it trips me out to see her with a belly and a baby on the way!!! I'm so happy for her, yes it's crazy because she is younger than me, but she is happy and I'm happy if she is! It is such a blessing to bring a baby into the world. I couldn't believe it when you got married and now I can't believe she is pregnant! Now I have all these images of my cousin Michelle getting pregnant, my cousin Jana getting pregnant, and my ROOMMATE Jasmine getting pregnant! AHHH!!!!! I can't even express the excitement and the shocked feeling that is circling through my body right now. Friends getting married is a big step for me during this time in my life, but it's an exciting time that I am gladly relishing in. I know there are other people I can't think of right now that are also married, like my friend Sarah who lived on my floor my freshman year and my RA from my freshman year, but I wasn't at those weddings so that is more surreal. I'm not close to either one of them really either so it doesn't bring the same feelings for me as my roommate or a high school friend. Though Sarah and I still talk (she just commented on my status about my incredible boyfriend surprising me with flowers at work today), and I miss her but I haven't seen her in years. I wish we could though! By the way, the thing about my boyfriend was so sweet! I could not stop smiling, I was so thrilled! All my co-workers happened to be girls and "Awwed" forever, but it was so sweet and wonderful of him to do. They kept asking what they were for and he just said "Because I love her!" Doesn't that just break your heart?!?!?! (In a good way!) Ah, that boy- sorry, man- really knows how to pull at my heartstings and make me fall for him all over again! Anyway, I look forward to more happy days to come and lives to be conceived and born!!!! Who's next?!?!?!

Write It, Love It, Sing It!

I want this! I want this! I want this!!!

The more I watch country music videos, the more anxious it makes me. Have you ever watched someone perform and just though to yourself, wow, they are INCREDIBLE!?! I literally think that as I watch my idols strut across the stage. Shania Twain, Martina McBride, Gretchen Wilson, Carrie Underwood, Reba McEntire, and all the many talented vocalists out there. They all have their own style, pizazz, elegance, and flare that they bring to the stage through their heart-pumping, butt-busting music! As a jump around my room to songs like Party for Two, Findin' a Good Man, Redneck Woman, Last Name, and My Give a Damn's Busted, I think about how fun it would be to be the person on the other end. I want to be able to sing my own songs and have girls, just like me, dance around their rooms to something I wrote. I want to be able to write my own songs and sing them. I only have one song that I have ever written and I don't even know how good it is. Writing poetry, papers, and journal entries has always been something I was good at, but a song.... never my thing. Now if only I had a daddy like Hannah Montana (Miley Cyrus) to do it for me! I know, however, this is something I have to do for myself. So, songwriting, country singing, album getting woman, here I come!!!

The Battle

As I sit here contemplating what my life is going to look like over the course of this next year, I wonder what I will do in the many situations that will be placed across my path. Will I do the right thing? Will I know what the right thing is? Will I struggle in my attempt to maintain my personal and professional relationships? I worry about myself and my job. I worry that I do not have as strong of a grasp on this situation as I had originally thought. The pressure, though great, is not exceedingly overwhelming, but I fear that the worst as yet to arise. I wholeheartedly believe in the democracy in which we are currently involved, however, I am questioning the trust that I thought was once so strong. I feel the strings of trust and dedication are withering away like scraps of paper in a roaring fire. I want so badly for this all to be set right. A decision must be made either way, and I believe that the only way to maintain the relationships that I have spent the past 3 years developing, is to embrace the truth despite the feelings of betrayal and set forth into this new idea. Though I believe that maintaining this trust with those whose opinions and suggestions matter, the includer in me worries that this will push the others away. This is not my intention at all. As a leader I must do what is best for the ones with whom I lead, and I feel this is a part of my job. You must take the good and the bad with a grain of salt, so here goes my adventure into the world of politics; oh how I never saw you coming.

Strange to say the least

Dream time. So just woke up from one of my stranger dreams and I need to write it down so I don't forget. I always feel that when I literally write it down, I do not write as quickly as I type and I seem to leave essential details out and since it is on paper I find it more difficult to backtrack. Anyway, I had a dream that my friend Ashley got married. Now normally this would not be seen as an odd dream, but the difference is, this is not a friend that I ever talk to. Ashley O. was my good friend in high school, but freshman year of college we had a major falling out. It was rough for awhile, but I have since recovered. We also attempted to make up, but nothing ever came from that except for the acceptance that we are comfortable with how our relationship is, though neither of us has ever said that. We message each other on Facebook just to say hi maybe once every six months or so, but aside from that, we don't ever talk. Anyway, it starts out with me arriving with my friend. Sadly enough, I cannot remember who I was there with. The first person I see is Nicole. This is also a girl from my high school, we used to be best friends my freshman/sophomore year, but then she discovered much cooler people to befriend and ditched me. Anyway, her and Ashley are not even friends (nor have they ever been) and neither are her and I so it was strange to see her there. I do, however, still have a picture in my room of the two of us so maybe that's why. In my dream, though, I was not bothered by her presence, I did not find it odd, it was completely natural and I approached her as if I were looking for her. Turns out she was one of the ushers for the wedding. She was dressed in a prom type dress, as were many of guests, at least the young people, and shocked by all this I followed them. After I entered this giant, beautiful church (also strange because Ashley is Jewish) that had stairs that went up to the stage, a large podium off to the right vaulted ceilings, chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, and all these other gorgeous details I do not think I have seen before. Honestly, without all the glam, it kind of reminded me of the church attached to my elementary school. It was bigger than that, but during the service we could here clapping from another room, and I assumed it was from the conference room across the hall. This made sense because though we did not go to the same elementary school, Ashley and myself, being a Christian school and all, but we had talked about how funny it was that we were so close to each other our whole lives but never met until high school. Anyway, I walk in and now I'm in an equally gorgeous dress and I'm walking to my seat in the back. We did not enter because they were taking people in the church in some sort of order and so we were trying to wait our turn. Then the choir starts singing, and we realized we needed to go in and Stefani had just run by to go tell Ashley they were ready for her. So then, we picked two seats on the end, on the right side, in the second to last row. Behind us, was Ashley's dad. He could not figure out the camera and was talking about it out loud as the choir sang, and whoever I was with (this was a girl by the way, one of my friends whose face I cannot picture now, but I guess it wasn't important) knew a lot about them so she helped him. So I move to the back because that way I could take better pictures. The choir had stopped singing and moved to the ends of the stage and now all these other people were on the stairs in some sort of formation and I had not even realized that Ashley had already made her entranced, I missed it! For some reason I was not that upset about it, very shocking for me, and Ashley's dad, not being able to work his camera, asks me to remind him who everyone is. This was the weird part, the people on stage. So I use my camera to zoom in on people's faces to make it more clear for him to see. I tell him the whole first row was the year before us in high school or more. There were our freshman that Ashley, Ashleigh, and I claimed our senior year, except they looked exactly the way they had when we met them. This girl I was in jazz choir with for a little while before she dropped, can't remember her name but she was blonde, and other people I recognized from our Chamber Choir in high school and other places around campus. Then I looked around and noticed that the bridesmaids consisted of Shiloah, the accompanist for my college choir that Ashley does not even know, Michaela and Kelsey were there as well. Lisa was there also which was very shocking because all those people are from my college and she does not know them. Then I Can't remember if Stefani was on stage, but I know she was there. Then I spotted Ashley. She looked SO incredibly beautiful her hair was blonde on top with her brown roots coming through, but in an intentional manner, the bottom underneath was her natural brown and the rest highlighted dirty blonde made her hair shine! She had this diamond necklace that started in a circle shape like a typical necklace then came in like a "V" to a point. It went well with her V neck dress that had lace sleeves in some sort of design in a creamy type white and it came over forming into the dress that had buttons attached to the dress with the lace, that came down the middle then spread out in the bottom forming the trail. It was beautiful. It is much better in my head though. The bridesmaid dresses were somewhat similar, but nothing in comparison to how beautiful her dress was. They had on knee length dresses that were a dark violet color (had a blue under tone to it) and they had shawls over them that were lace like her dress. It was a different lace of course, there was not white, but more a cream/tan type color. There's did not shine either, hers sparkled, I think because she always had that sparkling personality. So the shawl's sleeves came to their wrists and it went almost all the way down to the bottom of their dresses, but you could see the dress through them. They had a bouquet of white flowers, but not a daisy just something like that with purple roses that matched their dresses in the middle mixed in with the white. So pretty! Anyway, her little sister was her maid of honor. None of Ashley's friends that I knew were there because I do not know them. Anyway, Ashley and all those people were up there singing something. Then they step down and Jonte, another person from my college, gets up and starts singing. He walks over to the keyboard and plays something fabulous and sings. I remember being jealous that all my friends were in her wedding, but that passed as I thought it. I noticed to the left of me way in the front a dog was there, a giant dog. Super cute, but he kept climbing over people in an awkward manner, that was when I woke up. Weird right? I feel like I was thinking about weddings because I talked to my soon to be married friend Jasmine before bed, and I was thinking about having married friends, but it does not add up to why it was Ashley in my dream and not someone else, someone I talk to more or spend time with.

So Much To Do, So Little Time

In one week and two days I will perform my junior recital. The chaos and stress that is bring to my life is not something I am thrilled about. I am excited to perform, I'm excited so many people are coming, and I am excited that I finally get to do something just for me that shows how far my voice and talent has come in the last 3 years here at APU. I'm so nervous though. I want everything to go so well. I finally picked out my dress, my mom is picking it up tomorrow. It is gorgeous and I want it to look beautiful so I have spent three weeks eating right and exercising. I feel I am doing really well and am losing weight, but better than that, I feel healthy. I printed my poster up yesterday and will be putting them up today. Everything is basically prepared. I need to make sure I have my songs down and the words and meaning all align. I hope everyone enjoys it. Things have been so crazy lately with school and work. Teachers seem to think we have this endless amount of time to devote to their specific class. I made a page and a half list of all the things I need to accomplish. It sounds doable, but on the down side there is so much that goes into each of those things that I'm very nervous about it. Tonight I have work at Jamba Juice, then tomorrow morning as well. Then Chris will come get me, I will go home and get my dress and shoes and take a load of my stuff home. I will spend some time with Chris for a change which will be nice and then I have to be back at school by 1230 on Sunday for the two shows I have that day. It is such a busy weekend that I am NOT looking forward too. I honestly don't want to go to Bel Canto on Sunday because I know I really need to work on my homework and papers and recital pieces. Anyway, thinking about all this is stressing me out. I am now going to spend the remainder of class looking over my French pieces. Wish me luck!