Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

In agony I watch you leave, in joy I long for the hours to quickly pass so that we may be reunited once again. I cry every time he leaves. Being in a long distance relationship is one of the most difficult things I have ever had to face. I thank God every day that the distance is not greater. I now understand that God knew what he was doing when he led all the other men astray. I have dated two military men and I do not believe I am strong enough to endure what those incredible military wives, mothers, sisters, and other women endure every day. I cannot even begin to imagine living without him for months, even years without a touch, a kiss, or even a smile. It would break my heart. I have more respect for those women than I could ever explain, they are incredible, they are the essence of courage in my opinion. I would love to shake every one of their hands, they amaze me with the ability to support, love, and still hold it together for their men as they watch them go off into dangerous, life threatening situations where they have no guarantee that they will indeed return home. I do not think I could do that. It pathetically pains me knowing I will not see him for 7 days. My heart longs to be near his at all times, despite all costs. I have grown so much this past year. I do not render my responsibilities to run home to see him, I understand that we need to deal with the distance and the hardship that comes along with that, it is hard, to say the least, but I think we have come so far and are doing so well. We understand the importance of the lives we are currently living and even if the other is not there, we must go on with our responsibilities and our lives, and know that we will soon be reunited, our love gets us through it all. I hope he knows how much he means to me and the love that flows from every kiss, smile, touch, and gaze that we exchange. He holds my heart, and no one could ever take that away from us.

Cleanliness is Equivalent to Godliness Everywhere in the World Except My Apartment

I'm sorry, I wasn't aware the ability to clean a dish after using it, or sometime in the near future (meaning not 3 days later), was so unbelievably difficult. I am literally on the verge of having a neurotic combustion due to the lack of cleanliness I am currently experiencing in my residence. Let me clarify, there are (dirty) dishes currently setting up camp in my kitchen sink looking as if they have no intention of vacating the area anytime in the near future! Now my (kind) roommate, who shall remain nameless, believes we need to give my (slob) roommate time to do the dishes on her own. She wants her to "learn" from seeing them sitting there, that we will not clean up after her. I, however, think that she is not a child and is never going to do the dishes! What irritates me more than the fact that they have been sitting in the sink, covered in food particles, since Wednesday, is the fact that whenever we have sat down to have this discussion about dishes as a whole, she is the first to jump in with, "I was always taught that when you use a dish you clean it, so let's try to do that guys!" She rarely cleans her dishes period, let alone right after she uses one!!!! I'm not sure how much longer my (OCD) roommate and I can take this!! We are going crazy, I honestly think we leave on weekends to get away from the mess, not the company. Today is going to be the day I lock myself in my room and do homework, partly because I have work to do, and sadly, partly because I can not stand to look at the mess any longer. Last year I hid from my roommates at all cost, this year I hide from my kitchen sink: what I change in pace.

Prayer of This Child

With everyday I come to realize how truly blessed I am so have such a wonderful man as my boyfriend Christopher in my life. Not only does he treat me exceptionally well, as I have always been told I deserve to be treated, but he has the unconditional love to match. I have never for a moment doubted the love he has for me. I always hope he knows I love him as much as I know he loves me. He is such a blessing and treasure that I couldn't imagine living without. I am also so fortunate to have someone as special as my mom in my life. She has been there through everything that has happened in my life, she is my light. I love her so much, words can not describe the impact she has made on my life nor how much I value her opinion, her love, and her devotion to me as the best mom in the world. I am also so grateful for my grandma. She believes in me and she has been my second mom. She is so happy, so lively, and so inspiring. She has most definitely passed these qualities onto my mom and I hope to inherit them one day as well. I wish I could be half the woman these two incredible women are. They do so much for me and have been my pillars through it all, they keep me standing, without which I would fall to pieces.

God, thank you for putting such wonderful people in my life. You have blessed me with a man that loves me, a mom that supports and loves me despite everything I do, and a grandma who makes me realize with every smile how wonderful it is to be alive. Thank you for my dad, you took mine to be with You, but you gave me one to not replace my biological one, just one to give me the love that I felt I was missing and needed. I don't, but need to thank You everyday for the blessings you have bestowed upon me. I pray for my friends, their families, Mr. Schletewitz to feel better, Kari to know she is beautiful and loved in Your eyes and that is all that matters, and the girl who was hit today on the crosswalk. When You take me home, make sure my family know how influential they are to me and how much I love them, I will always love them and I will forever be with them just as they are with me. Thank You for the gift of prayer and the gift of song, but more for the beautiful voice you have bestowed upon me, let me bring glory to You through it and to You be all the praise. Amen

Drama. Drama. Drama.

It's never good when thinking of all the activities you need to partake in today bring the Jaws theme to your mind. Today is the day I have to talk to my section about their horribly disrespectful behavior last Friday. I am not particularly looking forward to this speech. I spent about 20 minutes in my Romans/Galatians class writing it. I'm nervous. I hate to have to tell my section how disappointed I am in then when really it is only a few of them, but then again I can't point people out even though they all know who was the cause of the chaos last Friday, the question is if those people themselves know. If they don't know now, they will. We also switched rooms with the 1st sopranos which I am not looking forward to because my section already has issues with looking in the mirror too much during class, what are they going to do with themselves in a room full of mirrors?! The accompanist is coming in to help me today, I also am not looking forward to that. She makes me nervous as I have addressed in previous posts and she tends to take over in the middle of my sectional. I don't want anyone to play for me or to help me, all I want is to sit at the piano, play the notes for them, and be in control of my WHOLE sectional, not just the directing (which has never been my specialty, then again I have never really tried because it makes me nervous and I don't know how). I wish I could really listen to what Sage is saying, I can't focus to save my life. Hopefully I pass the exam next week, thank God for the reading, otherwise I would be so screwed. I am really excited about this weekend, my get away with my man for my birthday. There is so much drama going on with this special event that was supposed to be fun and enjoyable for me, being the birthday girl and all. I am aware my birthday is not for 6 more days and that next weekend is technically my "birthday weekend" but I had to move that because DH informed me I was not allowed to miss Dinner Rally (which is the concert going on that weekend, not that anyone would notice my absence), but he told me he may have to have me "tell them to do something," but I think he just didn't want the other directors to find out and he would look bad. Anyway, Chris moved my surprise weekend to this weekend instead not realizing that I had a concert this Sunday. I figured I could miss it, just being a half hour show for old people where there isn't even a sermon or food for us. We just go, sing, and leave. Having been there my freshman year I didn't see it as being a big deal because they old people home is so laid back, but according to DH, it's a huge deal. He is just worried the girls will notice my absence, not that they will care but whatever. So when I told him I wouldn't be there this Sunday he wigged and told me to move it Dinner Rally weekend (the one we had in the first place and my actually birthday weekend) and that he doesn't care if I miss that. When I told him he told me I couldn't miss that, he denied it. I told him I couldn't move it again, and if I cancel Chris will lose his deposit and he has been saving up for this and trying to do something special for me. To top it all off, he says if I miss he is going to drop my grade by a whole letter which would be a "B" but it still affects my GPA and how stupid to get a B in choir, especially when you are the president. I told him the only options were not going to the concert and getting my grade dropped, not going to the weekend and just staying for some stupid half hour concert on Sunday, or going to the weekend and driving through the night to get here by 8:30 am on Sunday and be cranky, tired, and probably not sing the half hour show and be pissed about it. I talked to many people, including my mom who agrees with me and understands and says she will support whatever I decide and I decided I'm doing the weekend. Hopefully he doesn't remember at the end of the year, the officers decide not to drop my grade, but mostly it's my birthday and I'm not willing to give it up for DH or the choir I give my whole life, heart, and soul for and just want this one thing. DUMB.

...to be continued

As promised, my "to be continued" of Tuesday's blackout. Once I got home, Jasmine and I used our laptops for light and the one tiny flashlight I happened to bring with me to school. We were in the middle of jumping up and down, making enemies with the people below us and listening to Party in the U.S.A by Miley Cyrus at full volume when I got a phone call from Daniel from Jamba. I figured their power was out but couldn't figure out why he could be calling me. He told me they were having a party at Jamba with pizza and music and taking pictures. He wanted me to come over, bring my camera, and hang out. Attempting to get out of it, I told him I didn't want to walk over there with the blackout, he told me he would come get me. He kept pushing for me to go and attempting to reject him but still be kind, I said I couldn't leave my roommate, I had homework, and I didn't feel like walking over there. Sure enough, being stubborn Daniel, he walked over to get me and stood outside of the gate waiting for me. My roommate Jasmine, being awesome, let me leave then came out on the balcony right as I got to the gate wrapped in a blanket saying," You aren't going to leave me all alone are you?" I laughed so hard I tripped then could not stop laughing. I told him I couldn't leave her and he got mad and asked why I hadn't told him she was alone and I said I did. He told me he "jaywalked" for me and I said congrats? Sorry but I can't leave her. So he left angrily, and I ran upstairs and hugged my roommate and preceeded to jump around when suddenly the lights came on. It was a good night. Downside is that I keep telling Chris he is crazy and there is no way Daniel has any feelings for me, I am now starting to believe him.....

Without Technology Access, We Fall Apart

My favorite part of the blackout last night, had to be the fact that every other class was cancelled, but guess who is still working hard, standing in the hallway practicing because the rooms have no lights. Yes, that's right, Chamber Singers. They could all be bleeding from the head and I believe there would still be a rehearsal, it would just a fairly messy one, yet still most certainly productive if Queen Jensen had anything to say about it. I think she is brillantly insane. If there is anything to say about her insanity is that they are as good as they are due to this distinct quality. BB (before blackout) I walked into Oratorio late due to having to change for Preparing the Total Performer. Lucky for me Chris had talked me into going to class, because when I walked in I found we were having a full rehearsal with the orchestra and all. I also found out that we have a performance on Tuesday. Good thing I went to class. Sitting next to my section was Dr. Sutton who told me I probably wouldn't be able to get to the middle of the row and kindly went and got me a chair. Singing Beethoven's Ninth standing next to Sutton and having the soloists right in front of me and voice teachers (including my own) behind me was quite nerve racking so I worked the hardest I have ever sung. It was cool when Sutton leaned over and told me he liked this part of the song, it was good to know he didn't hate me which I am still sensitive about, but he talked to me in such a friendly way. Preparing the Total Performer went well, we worked on my singing, twice! She had me walk back and forth while I sang, and I was thrilled that my nerves disappeared and this class that I feel so inferior in saw my true voice and colors come out. After class, Professor Hinds pulled me aside and told me I had a beautiful voice I just need to enjoy it more. Awesome! Later, to my great delight, I ran into Sutton who literally said, despite the whole choir singing, the orchestra, the soloists, and everything else he could have noticed in that whole rehearsal, he told me "Good job today Christina!" I was so unbelievably blown away, extremely flattered, and most definitely thrilled. That completely made my night. It just got better from there, well, at least more interesting. The whole building being dark, I didn't have my voice lesson, plus I couldn't find my voice teacher. I hung out at the music building for the next hour, partly because I didn't know if Pat would show up and partly because it was dark and there was no way in hell I was walking back to my apartment in the wind and cold by myself in the dark. I tried calling Jonathan but he was busy, and didn't want to make him walk from the mods just to walk me to my apartment. I really need more guy friends. Anyway, there was an alarm going off by the office next to the elevator and these foreign exchange students thought it was going off because there was someone stuck in the elevator so they called campus safety but couldn't relate their message properly. To my horror, one of them hands me the phone and tells me to tell them what is going on so I tell them, "They think there is someone stuck in the elevator." They didn't even let me say that I didn't think there was, or that they only thought that due to the alarm, but campus safety said thanks then hung up. Not 20 minutes later, after which they only sound coming from the elevator was the damn alarm which was off pitch, by the way, the 2 fireman and 2 campus safety officers walk in with picks and axes. I wanted to laugh but was way to shocked and excited for this excitement to say a word. Watching this all occur and the fireman try to see if someone is in there and attempting to find the "elevator room" (whatever that is) a guy on my left and girl on my right lean over to me and says, "what pitch do you think the alarm is?" I said, "Are you serious right now?!," and the guy says, "It is between G and A." I was so shocked, music majors are such nerds. Then later these three people stand around the alarm and test it with a pitch device on their iPhone, ridiculous. I finally told one of the firemen, after about 40 minutes mind you, that I saw who called and explained what really happened and that the people who called were foreign and he suddenly understood. Convinced the excitement was over, and tired of being stuck in the music building, I called Kari and she came and got me with two of her guy friends. Shockingly no, that is not the end of the eventfullness of the evening. to be continued..........

From Smiles to Sorrow

Oh the awkward beginnings of relationships which span through the elements of like, to love, to the futile breakups and heartache. It seems everyday, everywhere, there is a couple awkwardly avoiding one another, "playing it cool," and enjoying the random giddiness of having a crush that leaves a stupid happy smile splattered across your face at the randomest of moments. Somewhere else, is someone hurting, grieving, crying, or screaming in hate or pain at being parted with by another. I think Joan Crawford says it best, "Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell." Listening to people talk about liking someone who is taken or someone who doesn't know they like them warms MY heart. To be in that special/nauseating time of your love life is intriguing and slightly hilarious to me. For the sake of saving my friend some embarrassment, I will leave names out. Let's call him Yohan. Tonight he would like me to go to dinner with him and invite the girl in my choir, let's call her Kelly. Little does he know, I already have plans this evening but intend on telling him at the last minute, leaving them to have an awkward first meal together thus forcing them to communicate and get to know each other, if just as friends. He doesn't have much of a choice for anything more than friends, because her heart has already been spoken for, but you never know, he is a bit devious, as he has so proudly informed me. Yohan wants me to, "Make sure it happens," that I invite her tonight, don't worry friend, I will. It will be good for them to be friends, if just for the sake of making another friend. It is always good to have another friend in the music building since we spend so much time here. Well, that reveals a bit too much information. Moving on...